This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, our baby boy, Nathan Antony Brown who was born in the United Kingdom on August 31, 2007 and passed away on October 23, 2007  after a brave 53 day battle against Cystic Fibrosis and Tracheobronchomalacia. 

Our journey began on Friday 26 January 2007 when two little blue lines appeared on a white stick and our lives changed forever. You could say it wasn’t the easiest of pregnancies, with many highs and lows, but our excitement and anticipation remained constant throughout. It is fair to say that when Nathan’s diagnosis of Cystic Fibrosis was confirmed, we were utterly devastated. We knew that as a family we would face many hard challenges ahead, but were willing to throw ourselves into ensuring that we were as educated as we could be by the time he was born. 

Nathan was due to arrive on 1st October but we soon realised, following weekly scans at Liverpool Womens Hospital, that he would be gracing us with his presence earlier. However, what we didn’t anticipate was him arriving on the day of his Baby Shower.

Nathan had developed Meconium Ileus, a trait of CF where part of his bowel became blocked resulting in a perforation and fluid leakage into his tummy, causing it to swell massively. We knew he would require surgery on the day he was born to correct the problem which would force a separation from each other, as the operation needed to be carried out at Alder Hey Childrens Hospital.

Nathan was born by caesarean section on Friday 31st August at 12.01pm weighing 6 pounds 15 and a half ounces and had 600mls of fluid drained from his tummy, making his true weight nearer to 5 and a half pounds. The emotion we both felt once we heard Nathan squawk for the first time was indescribable. Our Son had arrived safely.

What followed was a 6-hour blur in which we got to spend precious minutes with him before he was whisked to Alder Hey for a 3-hour successful operation. The next few days were also a blur as Nathan went from ICU to HDU to Neonatal.

We didn’t realise at the time that the 10 days he spent in Neonatal were going to be his best. This time was also where he showed he had inherited a lot of his Mummy’s traits. In particular, sleep, wriggling, stretching, and opening one eye first to see what was going on around him before deciding whether or not to open his other eye, or to go back to sleep.

We watched him grow a little stronger, have his first feed of his Mummy’s milk which he loved so much, saw him learn to suck his dummy which again he loved, felt his strong grip, got to know his favourite side to sleep on, his left, and found comfort from being swaddled.

We could watch him for hours in his outfits that Mummy made sure were colour co-ordinated every day as he wriggled, arched and stretched his back and using his arms to impersonate Superman and a Policeman directing traffic. On the few times we were able to cuddle him, he would look in awe at everything around him and when he would look at us, we would just melt with his intense, beautiful, deep blue eyes, cute little button nose and perfect lips all of which are Daddy's traits.

We’re not sure whether Nathan was aware of his actual name as over the weeks he had a number of aliases, Mummy’s Little Squawker, Daddy’s Little Wriggler and Beautiful Little Man, but the most commonly used was ‘Gorgeous’, which we would have to agree with as our pet name was ‘Gorgeous Boy’.

We saw our biggest challenge being for Nathan’s bowel to begin working, and when that happened 8 days after his operation, it cost us a fortune in text messages. We have never discussed poo so much in our lives before! Unfortunately this was not his biggest challenge and that began to unfold as he was transferred to HDU with breathing difficulties at 13 days old.

He spent the next four weeks on oxygen attached to a machine to assist him in expelling carbon dioxide. However it soon became apparent to the CF team that there was an underlying problem unassociated with his CF as there was no improvement with his breathing, in fact it was becoming worse. We realised how bad things had got when his little squawks became full on cries and his face became distorted with the pain. It was at that point that we were advised of the teams desire to electively intubate and ventilate Nathan to undertake further investigations. We knew this would mean a move back to ICU but it was the only way to determine the extent of his breathing difficulties.

Over the next few days, the diagnosis of Tracheobronchomalacia or a floppy windpipe and bronchi were confirmed, an extremely rare condition on its own but coupled with his CF meant a virtually unheard of combination. Nathan’s prospects were bleak forcing the CF team and us to search for solutions across the globe.

Our hopes were pinned on the Respiratory team at Great Ormond Street Hospital in London, but when they confirmed there was no 'rabbit to be pulled out of a hat', we had to face the stark realisation that we would have to choose whether to let Nathan live his life with a tracheostomy, attached to a permanent ventilator possibly in hospital forever, never being able to eat, drink or speak OR let him go, it was totally heartbreaking.

Whilst we attempted to come to terms with his possible future, the CF team didn’t give up and spoke to other colleagues as a last ditched attempt to save Nathan from either fate. However, in the meantime, Nathan caught Pseudomonas Pneumonia, a deadly chest infection in CF people, and his lungs could no longer continue the fight. We were advised that there was no longer an option as he was now too poorly for a tracheostomy, Nathan was preparing to leave us.

We could either allow nature to take its course which could have meant a few more days of pain and discomfort for Nathan, being given increased levels of morphine and being unable to open his eyes, taste the milk he loved so much and being unable to be cuddled or held because of the many tubes that were effectively keeping our Son alive, OR we could help him go and be an Angel in the Sky, swapping his pain of 7 and a half weeks for our lifetime of pain. It was the latter we heartbreakingly decided to do.

After all the goodbyes from family and friends had been said on 23rd October 2007, we had a few precious hours with Nathan, just Mummy and Daddy, where we were able to share plenty of cuddles with him that he had been denied for so long, until Nathan’s fight got even harder. It was at this time that Mummy and Daddy set him free.

Our Son had fought for 53 days and nights and pain was all he knew. Some people said that he was a fighter, a champ, their little soldier, but to us he was our hero, our gorgeous, brave little boy who we are so proud of, and were so blessed in being able to share such special times with.

Had the medical team who looked after him not done such a wonderful job then we are sure we would have had a much shorter time together so they deserve a special thankyou. However, the biggest thankyou we can give, though, must be to Nathan, for choosing us as his Mummy and Daddy, and for spending 53 precious days with us that we will treasure for the rest of our lives. We hope he was not disappointed.

His cause will never be forgotten, and we will endeavour to help raise sponsorship for the CF Trust, in the hope that one day in the not too distant future, a cure to this most common life threatening inherited disease may be found. Please see Nathan's Legacy page for further information.

We will remember, love and miss him forever.